I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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