i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
