puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're too hungover to prance.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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