me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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