i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
