census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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