Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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