i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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