We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
