I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The adults are the big ones right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
