dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
