God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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