Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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