shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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