he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
