I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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