Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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