All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
