lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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