i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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