I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
