this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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