Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
