she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
