I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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