Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
