Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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