Come see our sink grown plant.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
