My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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