my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My underwear smells like fireworks.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
