is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
