I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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