i may or may not be watching the land before time
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
