You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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