perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
