I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
