Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
