I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
