Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
