You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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