I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
