1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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