i jhust puked up my retainher.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
