I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
