Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
