I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry about my life...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
