I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"it" just moved
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
