i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
