Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
