So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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