Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
