I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
