i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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