Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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