Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
