We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
