yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
