My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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