Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
