She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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