someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
