I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
