apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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