My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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