tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
