Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
