im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
