You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
