he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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