Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Buhtt sex?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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