I'm eating all of the evidence.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
