Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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