I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
