i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
