I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
