No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
whose parrot is this?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
