Cold hands, warm shart.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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