Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
